30 Day Writing Challenge – Day Twelve
So I saw the above list on Facebook and decided it was worth giving a go. Every day for the month of April, I’ll be putting together a short blog on the chosen topic. But of course since I have a life and responsibilities, I might have written it a few days in advance and scheduled it to appear on my blog for the right day! So, with that in mind, here’s today’s blog.
“12. Two words/phrases that make you laugh”
“Profits are down”
I’m never sure if this makes me laugh or makes me angry to be honest. It’s one of those capitalist phrases that I hear on the news all the time and they are invariable delivered in a negative sense.
On the face of it, you can see why. Something that should be good is down, therefore that’s bad, right?
Yeah, but it’s profits. If you’re making a profit of any kind whatsoever, then you’re doing things right. A profit of 1p means you’re spending 1p less than you’re making. Personally, if my books are balanced I’m happy, but then I’m not a business!
The problem with this phrase is that “profits are down” almost always means that the shareholders are unhappy. They want to be making money so that it goes into their pocket, and the more money they make the more that goes into their pocket. So profits being down means less money in their pocket – which might mean their own personal books don’t balance. But then again, how many shareholders do you know that only have that as their income?!
Yeah, you know how this works – for small business owners that might be true, but these phrases on the news are invariable in reference to big business where the shareholders have fingers in many pies.
Of course, the knock on effect of “profits are down” is usually one of two things. Either more income is required and prices of the services they provide are going up – therefore having the knock on effect of taking money out of our pockets and impacting whether or not our own books balance – or costs will be cut and jobs might even be lost which is an even bigger impact on the pockets of those whose jobs go.
Maybe this should be filed under “laugh or I’ll cry” rather than just laugh.
Yeah, I know. It’s crude, it’s offensive, it’s childish, and it’s probably one of those words that’s amused me since I was a kid.
For those that don’t know, a “fud” is basically female genitalia but more often than not it’s used in a negative sense for a person as a whole. For example “just ignore him, he’s a fud” or “you’re still making a profit though, ya fud!”
The history of this word is an odd one, because it’s one I remember from primary school. As far as cursing goes, when you’re a kid there’s only so much you can get away with. Somehow, “fud” was one of those that crept under the radar and was acceptable. By acceptable I mean you would hear it in the playground. No curse word was ever acceptably thrown in a teacher’s direction.
When I left primary school the word seemed to disappear. I don’t remember hearing it at high school or even university, until it turned up in an episode of “Only An Excuse” – a Scottish comedy sketch show based mainly around Scottish football. If I remember rightly, it was the caricature of Rangers captain Barry Ferguson that specifically used it and was the first time I’d heard it in at least ten years.
And then suddenly I heard it a lot more often again. It became an acceptable curse word once more. I think it’s the sound it makes. It’s short, sharp and has a very defined ending. As words go, if someone calls you it then it lands a punch. And yet it’s also humorous enough to be soft and cuddly and a kid can get away with saying it. How can one word be both of those things?
Regardless, it makes me laugh when I hear it precisely because it is both of those.