30 Day Challenges… Day 24

“A Manager That You Want To Speak At Your Funeral”

Jordan Larsson.

Well, assuming I can’t say Neil Lennon again for fear of repeating myself, it’s rather a struggle to think of one. Mainly because I’m still of the age where no football manager is younger than me and I’d like to think that when my time comes I will be an old man! So lets assume Henrik’s son becomes a player and then a manager. He can tell us about how life at Celtic – the club the deceased loved so much – was when his old man was there, and then when he went there. He would then go on to tell of the time when he met me in the player’s lounge following his hat trick in the Champions League final for Celtic, going one better than his dad managed in his time.

Well I can dream.

If I were to die tomorrow though, I’d want Neil to speak at it. Sorry, this entry seems a bit pointless to be honest!

30 Day Challenges… Day 23

“A Manager You Want As Your Best Man At Your Wedding”

Interesting timing for this one to come up since I’m getting married in less than two months, not to mention my choice is dealing with all sorts of nonsense. How could I not pick the man who has brought so much joy and passion back to the football I attend?

I have to admit, I was never Neil Lennon’s biggest fan as a player. In my mind, midfielders were more like the Stilian Petrov box-to-box kind. They’d be back helping out the defence one minutes, up supporting the attack the next. A tireless task for anyone. Lennon’s style was different. He was the defensive midfielder. Sitting in front of the defence, breaking up attacks before they came to anything and picking out passes. Quite a leisurely style compared to the box-to-box style.

I didn’t know much of him in his time in England, but obviously when he came to Celtic I got to know him. He came towards the end of 2000 but it wasn’t really until 2003 that I truly appreciated what he brought. In the blazing heat of the UEFA Cup final in Seville, deep into extra time and losing the game 3-2, here was Neil Lennon running 30, 40, 50 yards in an effort to close down the opposition in their own box. I was too knackered in the stand but here was Neil still bursting a gut after 120 minutes of scorching and heartbreaking football! Maybe I’d under-estimated him.

There was another time I was in a pub in Glasgow. We had just beaten Rangers at Celtic Park and Lennon had played in the game. So we were all in the pub celebrating. In walks Neil! He’s a Celtic fan just like the rest of us, but in this era it’s so unlikely to find yourself in the same pub as a player. It’s little things like that you appreciate.

The last few years for Celtic have been disappointing. A lack of league titles, boring football to watch, and a feeling that the fans and the club were drifting apart. That all changed in the summer. Lennon became Celtic manager, brought in some exciting young players and set about “bringing back the thunder” to Celtic as he put it in one press conference. With the league still to be decided but Rangers slightly ahead and us hoping for a slip, we may not get the title back this season. But the feeling is that, should Lennon stay on then we’ll be in a great position to get it next season and possibly for several more too. The crowd are enjoying the football and the atmosphere has been returning to Celtic. It’s a great place to go once again.

The trouble is, Neil has been putting up with stuff that no one should have to put up with. Death threats, bombs in the post, and some moron Hearts fan attacked him during the game last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if he walks away at the end of this season. If he did, I’d back him all the way. He has a family, he’s done nothing to deserve any of this nonsense. Anyone that thinks otherwise is a moron. I’m not saying he doesn’t upset the opposition, but there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s plenty at Rangers I hate – as previous blogs in this challenge will show – but there’s a level that it stops at. I wish El Hadji Diouf would clear off out of football, I certainly don’t wish him any real harm. Kyle Lafferty is a big lanky streak of pish, but in the end I suspect he plays up to it and he’s probably just a bit of a fanny. I can understand how Lennon rubs other the wrong way, but to the extent it has got to this season you have to question if it’s worth it and what is wrong psychologically and socially with these people.

Sad thing is, Lennon’s actually a nice guy. Away from the football he’s the kind of guy you would want to have a pint with. To still be in the job he’s in after all he’s had to put up with he’s clearly a very strong character. He’s always up for a laugh – as former Rangers captain Barry Ferguson would testify. During some ceremony for Barry there was a joke of a video shown to him of Neil sitting on his couch drinking tea! It was all good natured, and proof that the footballers at the team probably live on a different – much friendlier – planet from the fans of the teams.

I have plenty of time for Neil, I trust in him and he’d be a great laugh. Can you think of a better best man?

(Well, I can, I have one that knows me better than Neil would. He’s also a Rangers fan, but no one’s perfect!)

30 Day Challenges… Day 22

“A Game You’d Love To Play In”

For all I hate the build up to it, I hate all the nonsense that surrounds it, I hate half the teams involved in it… I’d love to play in a Glasgow derby. I think every Celtic fan would. I think every Rangers fan would too. I’m fairly sure at one time or another we’ve all had that same dream.

The game’s tied and time is running out. It’s away from home so three of the four stands are singing their hatred at you. You pick up the ball on the half way line and turn to beat your marker. Another defender comes across to cut you off, but you nutmeg him and go round him. Another one comes across and tries to kick your heels, but you see him coming and jump out of the way, still in control of the ball. The keeper is all you have left to beat now as the defenders try to scramble back. He comes rushing out and you spot your opportunity… you chip the ball over his head. For an instant, it looks like you might have hit it too hard but it drops just in time, giving the crossbar a little kiss as it bounces over the goal line and hits the back of the net.

The three noisy stands are silenced as a wall of sound erupts from the remaining stand housing the away support – your support. You wheel away from the the distraught goalkeeper and run towards them, arms outstretched in triumph. They’re reaching over the barrier wanting to hug you and you dive in with them. Your teammates catch up with you and half hug you, half pull you back onto the pitch. The referee runs over and books you for over-celebrating because that’s what those spoilsports do. Eventually, the opposition take centre and the second they do the referee blows for full time. You’ve just scored the winner, spoiling the weekend for half of Glasgow and delighting the other half. You know people are going into work on the Monday morning to wind up their mates from the other side of the divide. But before then there are songs to be sung and pints to be drunk. Maybe when you’re finished you’ll even join them for a pint yourself.

There’s no better feeling than when this kind of thing happens. It makes all the build up, all the nonsense, worth putting up with.

30 Day Challenges… Day 21

“Your Favourite Player Before Your Lifetime”

There isn’t much I can say about Jimmy Johnstone that hasn’t been said before. He’s been voted Greatest Ever Celt previously and I wouldn’t argue with that. As a boy he was Celtic daft, as a man he was a Celtic legend. An integral part of the Lisbon Lions team that won the European Cup in 1967, there are so many stories you could tell about him that show you just how great he was.

I never saw him play. He retired a couple of years before I was born, but really he stopped when he left Celtic. His heart wasn’t in it, that’s how much he loved playing for the club. When he retired, he’d still spend all his time at Celtic. But I’ve heard the stories and I’ve seen the footage. There’s no doubt he was a genius. The kind of player you could give the ball to, go for a pint, come back and he’d still be tying the opposition in knots when you returned. Unless they had blootered him up in the air of course, which happened to him all too frequently.

He was an entertainer on the park, and a gentleman off the park. Unlike a lot of Celtic fans, I never met him. I wish I had. He always had time for the fans – like a lot of the players from that era to be fair. He’d have a laugh and a joke with everyone. Even after he was diagnosed with Motor-Neuron Disease, the wit never faded. He was laughing and joking until the day he died.

I went along to Celtic Park on the the day of his funeral. The sheer number of people there was phenomenal. Everyone wanted to say goodbye. But what really said it all was the number of people there that were my age or younger. People that couldn’t possibly have remembered him playing were there. If that doesn’t say how important he was to all of us, nothing does.

If you haven’t seen Jimmy Johnstone play, go onto YouTube and search for him. You won’t be disappointed.

30 Day Challenges… Day 20

“A Player You’d Love To Punch When You’re Angry”

Really?! You mean other than the aforementioned El Hadji Diouf or Craig Burley?

Rangers have a nasty habit of signing the kind of player you can’t help but hate. For as long as I can remember they’ve had someone that just annoys you. I’m not sure it’s even because they’re the rivals of my team – fairly sure I’d want to punch them even if they didn’t play for Rangers. Although I’d probably see them less.

The current incumbent - although sometimes there’s more than one – has to be Kyle Lafferty. Here’s a player whose ability level makes it questionable as to whether he should be at a club like Rangers, yet his attitude is what makes him something of a cult hero. For one, he playacts. If you square up to him, odds on he’s going down as if you’ve headbutted him. He’s done in up against more than one Celtic player. He’s quite a dirty player – there’s been a few challenges against Celtic where he has… escaped the required punishment shall we say.

He’s never scored against Celtic, but when they last won at Celtic Park he was the last Rangers player to touch the ball before a Celtic defender knocked the ball into his own net. What does he do? Runs off as if he was the one that scored it, cupping his hands to his ears to to taunt the Celtic fans. Funny how such actions were fine in that game yet when Neil Lennon did the same in response to the abuse Rangers fans had been giving him all game they were suddenly offended. Can’t say I was offended when Lafferty was doing it, I just question how a big douche bag like him thinks he’s worthy.

I’m fine with taunts. I remember Richard Gough running off holding up ten fingers after scoring against us in their attempt to get ten in a row. He’d at least earned the right to taunt. But Lafferty is a fanny of the highest order. It’s rare that people talk about him having a good game – most will tell you what stupid incident he has got involved in that week. Even on the odd occasion he actually scores, he does a stupid robot dance like he’s Peter Crouch. The only thing he has in common with Peter Crouch is the lanky look.

Two thirds of the way through this… at least the final ten are mainly positive ones.

30 Day Challenges… Day 19

“A Favourite Football Chant”

I’ve always loved the singing at football matches. Celtic have a long and varied selection to choose from, some of which are accepted by some more than others. There’s a great debate about how political we should be, and I’m not going into that one here. It tends to be quite polar and very few will change their mind over the debate.

Either way, it’s the songs relating to the football itself that I love more than anything. Some chants stick in your heads at particular times, others only work the once. The inspiration of chants to coincide with events taking place there and then is an art I have never mastered, but I have joined in on a few. One I particularly remember came at a Kilmarnock away game. Celtic were winning by quite a few goals on this day and one opposition supporter had caught the imagination of the away support due to his attire. He had turned up with a maroon pullover with a union flag on the front of it. Seems more like something a Hearts fan would wear, but here he was at Kilmarnock.

It started simple. “We want your jumper!” came the chant from the Celtic fans. Then, when the goals started coming it changed to, “Jumper, what’s the score, Jumper jumper what’s the score?!”

One of those moments where it was hilarious at the time, but you probably had to be there.

The Green Brigade are pretty good at adapting songs for them moment. They have been a revelation this season. Okay, a lot of what they do they have taken from our European friends at St Pauli, but they have adapted it to suit us. I was never a fan of them to start with – they seemed to cause more trouble than they were worth – but something changed in the group at the start of this season. Less trouble, more atmosphere, and I’ve been behind them all the way.

They’re also responsible for what is likely to be the defining chant on the 2010/11 season. Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough” has spread throughout many clubs in Britain, but it’s Celtic where it started. It’s brilliantly simple and catchy. The club has even taken it to heart and released merchandise emblazoned with it, they play it when we score a goal at home, and they’ve even used it for the season ticket renewals!

The only real concern is it may become a stick we’re hit with depending on how the final few games of the season go. But until we know for sure, it’s still a chant we’ll be associating with a wild ride, and some great performances.

30 Day Challenges… Day 18

“A Player You Wished Your Club Had Signed”

As I said yesterday, Celtic get linked with lots of players. Some realistic, others not so realistic. We’ve signed good and we’ve signed bad. It’s hard to single out any that were properly linked that might have come but didn’t, and while I could easily say something ridiculous like “Lionel Messi” that would never happen, I think I’ll go for the one signing that we were linked with that would have been an absolute hoot in Scotland.

Rod Fanni.

Our defence has been a shambles for a while. We’ve never really strengthened it in years. But at one point under Gordon Strachan we were linked with this Frenchman who was playing at Rennes at the time. He’s since gone on to play for Marseille and has even played for his country a few times. He’s a decent defender and would have been a decent signing for Celtic.

But to be honest, I wanted him for his name. Having a guy called Fanni in your team would be great. For those that don’t know, a fanny in Scotland is one of two things – an idiot (possibly a ned idiot) or a vagina. So for one, the commentators would probably try and avoid saying his name, just as they did when we had Rafael Scheidt. Headline writers would probably have a field day trying to get things past their editors though.

Better still, Celtic had some other interesting defenders at the time. Bobo Balde was at centre back along with Darren O’Dea (pronounced oh-day) who sometimes played full back. Throw in Lee Naylor as another full back and it wasn’t all that inconceivable that Celtic could have had an absolutely epic back four of “Naylor-Balde-Fanni-O’Dea”. That’s not a back four, that’s an instruction!

So yeah, I’ve gone for comedy here today. Sorry about that, but it still cracks me up!